Mirrors, Memories, Light

A second anniversary, trying to distil some thoughts and feelings, a father’s reflections in poetic prose.

I wrote this a few days ago over the late May bank holiday, the second anniversary of Naseeb’s passing, and wanted to share it with anyone who remembers Naseeb.   I know quite a few friends are wondering how I am and I never manage to put it into words properly or sometimes don’t say much at all, but I guess this gives an idea though its written at the toughest time of the year for both us parents.  Its kind of written in a poetic prose-monologue style, not on purpose it’s just how it came out and then tidied up to be shared.

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Mirrors, Memories, Light

We’re having a beer at a busy square in a bohemian locality of Barcelona.  This evening a crowd of young people gather together, chatting, chilling, a few playing instruments.  You’re imbued with the energetic and creative vibe of the place and feel you’d love to come here maybe to stay one day.

We’re canoeing around a small lake at Gwalia farm near Machynlleth in Wales.  You’re 10 years old with a face full of radiant vigour.  Later you fall into the water and drench, big hassle when we’re away camping.  Hey ho, since when was a drenching allowed to get in the way?  Next day with that mischievous smile you’re raring to go again.

Two years have passed,
you’re still not here.
My phone is always switched on
awaiting your call, though
I know it will never come.
But what if it did?

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Your birthday will never pass uncelebrated

We wanted  to share this beautiful Facebook post from Naseeb’s friend Meghann Forrest which was created on his birthday this year.  The drawings and poetry are full of warmth and sensitivity, delicately photographed with the daffodils.  Here it is:

Your smile is one to always remember,
Your laughter will always be infectious,
Your kindness always overwhelming,
Your spirit will always be unparalleled.

You will be in our thoughts forever,
Your birthday will never pass uncelebrated,
Your heart will be carried in our hearts,
Your memory will never be forgotten.

Happy Birthday Chew x

Here is also a message that Meghann sent us on Naseeb’s first birthday after he died:

Hi Balwant and Kooj,

I hope you are well. I just wanted to let you know that yesterday me, Sarah and Dom bought some daffodils and walked up to the viewpoint in Brandon Hill Park. We left the flowers on a bench overlooking Bristol, to wish Chewie a happy birthday. I felt it would be a good place to celebrate his birthday due to his love of nature. I’m sure he would have visited this park during his time in Bristol. My thoughts were with you both all day.

I also just wanted to say thank you for the way you raised Chewie, he was always so kind, respectful and had the most beautiful heart; he really was a credit to you. He will always be in our thoughts, and in our hearts. I look forward to seeing you both again at Easter when we plant a tree for Chewie, and I look forward to having a place to go and remember all of the amazing memories I have of him.

Sending you both lots of love, Meghann

Thanks Meghann, and to all our friends for their reflections and support in the different times and ways they give them.  x

Poem to Naseeb from his father

With the end of May approaching, Naseeb’s father collected his feelings and thoughts then put them down as this poem to Naseeb.

I just wrote this poem to Naseeb, my son, on the first anniversary of his passing (27th May).  The circus of thoughts and feelings that have been swamping me crossed over with a photograph which I still had on my mobile phone.  The photo was of Naseeb at the airport in Rome at the end of a lovely holiday we had there in April 2015.  I’d hardly looked at it since then but it now somehow called out to me.

Here’s the poem.

Naseeb at Rome Airport, 29th April 2015: a poem to Naseeb
Naseeb at Rome Airport, 29th April 2015

Love is always breathing

There you were.
Defiant. Independent.
The airport queues in Rome
seemed endless
We all stood waiting
to inch forward a little,
but not you.
You sat down on the floor
Calmly pulled out a novel
and began to read.

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Marilyn’s Poem

Our long-standing friend Marilyn Cuffy wrote this poem to read out at Naseeb’s funeral. It meant a lot then, and still means a lot now.

Our long-standing friend Marilyn Cuffy wrote this poem to read out at Naseeb’s funeral.  It meant a lot then, and still means a lot now.  Thanks to Marilyn for letting us reprint this here.

Naseeb – My Wonder Boy, by Marilyn Cuffy

My screams you will not hear,
nor my pounding fists.
My warm embrace you will not feel,
nor the burning tears trickling
down my face,
forming a pool,
caressing you in its waters
as water protects in a mother’s womb.
My breath momentarily you took away
leaving me in wonder
for you are gone, gone , gone.

You remain my gentle boy,
the baby I cradled in my arms
years back with Amelia and Robert.
Your presence nearly always with us,
the birthday joys together,
family outings and gathering
in our homes.

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